Texas. July 2015.
The world is ending. The date is set. And this time it happens on Wednesday.
It’s funny. People hate things like the IRS, but just love things like the end of the world.
I admit it’s exciting. It has zest. And it’s the period at the end of humanity’s log sentence.
It’s big business too.
To survive you’ll need something. You might not know what that something is, but somewhere someone does and believe me, they buy in bulk. Gold or silver? Dehydrated food? Water to rehydrate your food? A generator? Hey, with a generator, you can get on the internet. And since it’s the Apocalypse, you’ll have the information superhighway all to yourself like in those crazy zombie movies.
I say ride out the end of the world in a bathtub. If it works for tornados why not the Apocalypse? Hell, make it a special day. Make it a bubble bath.
And if you plan to divest yourself of any and all ill-gotten stocks, bonds, or other assets, I’ll provide you with my mailing address. Consider it a love offering. Plenty of deities smile on that kind of thing you know? And while not a deity, I smile on that kind of thing.
And every time I spend your dough, I’ll say a little prayer for you.
Now in all fairness, I cannot guarantee the efficacy of my prayers.
Just make certain you specify your religion and denomination. I wouldn’t want to confuse anyone.
Now you can do all that or you can keep your junk and not worry.\ at all.
Because If the would ends, none of us will likely see it coming. The universe has a sense of humor like that.
You think the dinosaurs saw it coming? Hell no. The dinosaurs were sitting around a grill, barbequing our mammalian ancestors and talking about their cholesterol levels when their world ended.
The asteroid wasn’t really an asteroid at all. It was a massive mothership piloted by a species of drunken space mice who flunked out of twelve-step program.
So, relax and enjoy the circus.
©Kent Gutschke 2015.
MARTIAN DEATH RAY 